Divorce is hard on everyone. Especially the kids.
Reddit user Honest-Wish7885 is a mom-of-four who thought she had it all and enjoyed a happy family life until her husband cheated on her with another woman. Long story short, the marriage ended, and the ex-husband’s infidelity resulted in him having a baby through the affair. The other woman ended up passing away and the man became a single parent to the toddler, plus he regularly meets his other kids.
As you can tell, it’s a very complex situation. And it didn’t take long for it to become even more complicated.
As his ex-wife dropped off their kids, the 3-year-old girl that was conceived through the affair started calling her “Mommy.” It’s heartbreaking, for sure, and the little one is completely innocent, but the woman does not feel comfortable with it and, to the man’s disappointment, refuses to adopt this role.
Wondering about the right course of action, she made a post on the “Am I the A***ole?” subreddit, describing everything in detail and asking people if she’s in the wrong.
Those who want a marriage also want it to last, but the scary U.S. statistic tells us that nearly 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce.
Emotional detachment is often harder to grasp and far less defined than the physical one. There aren’t any exact formulas to calculate how long two people who have been co-dependent for so long might need to come to terms with their new predicament.
“One way that I advise clients to learn to separate themselves from seeking approval, looking for validation, or remaining emotionally connected to a spouse is by learning to declare, not ask,” mom, coach, and certified divorce specialist (TM) (CDS) Michelle Dempsey-Multack, MS, CDS, explained. “An example of this would be keeping your soon-to-be-ex on a need-to-know basis, and saying things like, “I am going to start looking at new apartments,” instead of asking, “Can I start looking for new apartments?”
This basically sets the boundary that says, “I am gaining my independence now, and you don’t have access to all parts of my life anymore.” The sooner people are able to cut ties emotionally, the cleaner their divorce process generally is. So it sounds like the author of this post has managed to do so.
And when it comes to Juniper… Can you really blame the woman? As difficult as it is, she is not her responsibility. “An affair is difficult enough to survive with the wisest of choices. But if a couple must deal with the child of an affair, it often seems as if nothing they do will result in a triumph,” said psychologist and author Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D., best known for the book His Needs, Her Needs: Building a Marriage That Lasts. “
If she pretends to be the child’s mom, she is forever burdened with a constant reminder of the worst experience of her life. But if she refuses, the woman can walk away with a lot of guilt.
The first safety instruction for an airplane emergency is to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help others. This woman seems to be taking care of herself and her own kids first, and I don’t think we can judge her for it.
People think the woman has every right to refuse to play the little girl’s mom
Source & credit: boredpanda.com